JAN 01, 2020

DAD FEELS // MUSIC (2019) // DAD BOD

New Year's Eve was kind of a bust, but that's okay. We went to Cellar Dweller with Madilyn, had one drink each, then came home. Tom streamed Bioshock Infinite, so we watched that and did a VC with Page, Lewis, and Amy. I think we finally got to bed at around 12:30? So, at least we were up long enough for the year to turn.

I woke up around 5:30 in the morning because somehow, there were still people outside yelling. It's amazing the powers alcohol can give rednecks. I couldn't ge back to sleep, so I got up and started working on my HTML/CSS studies instead. Milanote ended up being just about perfect, although I'm nearly out of space. I wish I'd known they had a limit before I started using it. It was a very peaceful, productive morning, though.

Mads got up at around 10:30, and after we showered and got dressed, we went for a walk around the neighborhood. I really, really enjoy walking and I'd love to do it more often. It's especially nice to get to walk with Madison, to just chat and be in each other's company and get some light exercise. We stayed out for a while, until the cold wind made my ears start hurting, and then we walked back home. Ended up going to Starbucks. She got a frappuccino, I got a latte. She bought me a little slice of pumpkin bread, too, which was delicious.

At around 2:00, we headed to Ralph's for beans and cornbread. I don't think it counts, since it was pork and beans and not black-eyed peas. Still, it was a nice time. Ralph was almost entirely normal. We headed straight for Rich and Jonna's place after that, to hang out and grab the gifts that Ryan had left for us. He gave us knock-off AirPods that actually work pretty damn well. We talked a little bit about Scott. That was hard. I've been sad about him all day. It's not like I even want to be with him, or want to take him back after everything. I just wish he'd been a better person and that none of this ever had to happen. I still love him, and there are things about him that I miss. It just wasn't a healthy relationship. Even though we're the ones that ended it, it still hurts. But, other than that coming up, it was a nice visit.

Got home and started re-watching Always Sunny, and then George surprised us all with a gaming stream. He played this terrible horror game called "Trapped." It was so awful, but talking to him and watching him get through it was really fun. It's so refreshing to hear someone say "fuck" on a stream and not try to be "kid-friendly." Donated $2.00 to him. If I'm gonna dump cash on Nathan and Tom, I might as well do the same for George. And honestly, he's actually really funny and very entertaining. He's way more delightful than I thought he was. So, that was nice. But now that's all wrapped up, so I think Mads and I are gonna go to bed. It's late, whoops. Stupid Pacific time zone, keeping us awake.

JAN 02, 2020

ALABAMA SHAKES // SOUND & COLOR (2015) // DON'T WANNA FIGHT

Woke up at 6:30 to take Mads to work because Suzanne called out. Because of course she did. Still, that gave me a good amount of time to enjoy my morning, so that was nice. I'm writing this from work right now. It's been so slow that I actually have time for this. I think we've only had one customer in the two and a half hours I've been here, which is wild. I guess everyone's waiting for their financial aid to drop, but even then, I'm used to faculty and staff coming in for stuff. It's weird.

Kristen is so precious. I told her about Nathan's cute, successful, closer to his age, wealthy, British girlfriend and her response was, "WHAT THE HELL! Doesn't he know he's SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOU?!" I appreciate the support, but that was a rebound pipe dream. If Scott didn't want to fuck me, someone with high standards like Nathan definitely wouldn't. It was just a fun thing to fantasize about that I, briefly and wrongly, thought seemed plausible. Madison, on the other hand, is absolutely going to hook up with George and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Oh fuck, rush starts next week. I'll be working 1:00-6:15. I hope Madison doesn't need me to pick her up from work at any point for the next two weeks. Ugh. When we were with Scott, he would pick her up during rush so she didn't have to wait for me. It's so weird, the things you take for granted when you've been in a relationship for so long. There were so many things we relied on him for. I'm wondering, now, if that was intentional. He was so manipulative in so many ways that it really wouldn't suprise me if he forced dependency.

March 4TH, 2020 - 9:21AM

ANGELSPIT // HELLO MY NAME IS (2012) // VIOLENCE

Silence stretches between them like an ever-widening gulf, the water dark and dangerous, far too tumultuous to cross. Hannibal sits across the room, his face half cast in shadow that accentuates his almost alien features, his eyes glinting in the glow of the fireplace. He is at once the most human and the most inhuman Will has ever seen him. He is tired, injured, vulnerable in a way that hangs awkward and ill-fitting on his frame, his shoulders sagging under the weight of the last two days. He is coiled tightly, a great beast licking fresh wounds, poised to strike at anything that draws close enough; a predator abated but no less lethal.

With an unsteady hand, Will presses the needle through the torn, jagged flesh of his cheek. He's almost surprised that he doesn't make a sound, as though even his involuntary responses dare not breach the quiet that has settled over this little home. Even still, Hannibal's dark eyes glance over, sharp and intent, watching him work. He is careful not to pierce the fat, relying on what he remembers of his training in New Orleans in another lifetime, another universe.

He can see Hannibal's hands twitch with the need to help, to correct, to be the one pressing metal through skin. Instead, he busies himself with cleaning the blood (his? Dolarhyde's? Will's?) from his neck, dark brown giving way under a damp cloth. Will can't suppress a grimace as he ties off the last suture - an overhand knot over a surgeon's knot - and cuts away the excess thread. The scalpel joins the needle driver and an empty whiskey glass on the simple, unadorned side table next to him.